The Chosen None
A parody of every "chosen one" narrative ever written, but with absolutely zero chosen ones
The Premise
What if there was a massive fantasy epic where everyone is completely ordinary, but they're all convinced they're the protagonist of their own story? Welcome to "The Chosen None" - a interactive narrative where every character thinks they're special, but they're all just... not.
The World
🏰 The Kingdom of Mundania
A realm where:
- The prophecies are all marketing scams
- Magic exists but is mostly used for doing laundry
- Dragons are just really big, cranky lizards
- The ancient artifacts are obviously from IKEA
👑 The Characters
Gerald the "Chosen": A farm boy who found a rusty sword and now thinks he's destined for greatness. The sword is actually a letter opener from the local post office.
Princess Genericana: Believes she's trapped in a tower awaiting rescue. She's actually in a really nice apartment and could leave anytime, but the WiFi is excellent.
Wizard McStaffington: Claims to possess ancient knowledge. His "spells" are just really elaborate card tricks and his "staff" is a pool cue he found behind a tavern.
The Dark Lord Gary: Evil overlord who's actually just a middle manager with anger issues. His "army of darkness" is three unpaid interns and a customer service representative.
Interactive Elements
🎮 Choose Your Own Mundane Adventure
Scenario: You find a mysterious glowing orb!
Option A: Pick it up (It's a disco ball from the tavern) Option B: Leave it alone (Smart choice, it's probably sticky) Option C: Consult the ancient texts (You Google it)
Scenario: A wise old man approaches with a cryptic message!
Option A: Listen intently (He's trying to sell you extended warranty coverage) Option B: Ignore him (He follows you for three blocks) Option C: Ask for clarification (He admits he's just lost and looking for the bathroom)
📜 The Anti-Prophecies
"When the moon is full and the stars align, someone will definitely do something somewhere, probably."
"A hero shall rise, or maybe sit, depending on their energy levels and whether they've had coffee."
"In the darkest hour, when all hope seems lost, someone will remember they left the oven on."
The Quest System
🗺️ Epic Journeys to Ordinary Places
The Quest for the Sacred Artifact: Journey across three kingdoms to find... the TV remote. It was under the couch cushions.
The Hero's Journey: Follow the ancient path to... the grocery store. The ancient path is just the regular road with slightly more potholes.
The Final Battle: Confront the ultimate evil in... a passive-aggressive email exchange about scheduling a meeting.
Character Development
Watch as our heroes grow and change throughout their journey:
- Gerald learns that confidence is more important than actual ability (and develops a concerning level of self-delusion)
- Princess Genericana discovers that staying in the tower is actually a lifestyle choice (and starts a successful blog about tower living)
- Wizard McStaffington realizes his card tricks are genuinely entertaining (and opens a successful party planning business)
- Dark Lord Gary gets promoted to senior manager (and becomes significantly more evil)
The Philosophy
"The Chosen None" explores the gap between how we see ourselves and how we actually are. Everyone is the protagonist of their own story, even when that story is incredibly mundane.
It's a celebration of ordinary people doing ordinary things while convinced they're part of something epic. Because sometimes the most heroic thing you can do is just... show up to work on time.
Technical Features
- Branching Narratives: Every choice leads to the same mildly disappointing outcome
- Character Customization: Choose from 47 different shades of beige
- Achievement System: Unlock badges for basic life skills
- Multiplayer Mode: Argue with other players about who's more ordinary
Critical Reception
"I came expecting epic fantasy and got a documentary about my life. Devastatingly accurate." - Fantasy Reader Weekly
"Finally, a RPG where my real-world skills are overpowered." - Local Accountant
"My character died from social anxiety. This is the most realistic game ever made." - Indie Game Review
Expansion Packs
- The Chosen None: Customer Service: Epic battles with automated phone systems
- The Chosen None: Tax Season: The most terrifying adventure yet
- The Chosen None: Family Dinner: Diplomatic negotiations at their most challenging
Join the adventure where everyone is special, which means no one is!
Now available on Steam, Epic Games Store, and that one website your cousin made